


One Hell of a Fucker

by Coulsonspetwolf



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coulsonspetwolf/pseuds/Coulsonspetwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He burnt for me...”, Jesse mumbled while he tried to ignore the pain in his chest. Breathing was hard and at this very moment he wished that he'd just stopped breathing at all. He needed to fix this. He needed Cassidy to come back to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Hell of a Fucker

**One Hell of a Fucker**

 

Jesse had known that he fucked up immediately after everyone had left. He had been sitting at the table all by himself, trying hard to focus on his already cold supper when all he could smell was burnt flesh and all he could see was his best friend burning. He could hear his screams, the agony in his voice made Jesse want to vomit. And he still hadn't done anything. He hadn't tried to save him. He had fucked up.

 

The church was wrecked, Eugene was still in hell, his father's property now belonged to Quincannon and Jesse was sitting in the back of the Sheriff's police car. He was alone. God had abandoned him. ' _Well for that he must have loved me in the first place_ ', Jesse thought bitterly while staring up to the sky.

 

There was still a bit of hope left in him. Hope that Genesis had been given to him for a reason, that he could do something good for this town and its people. This hope was everything Jesse Custer had left and he clung desperately to it like it was a log on the sea that kept him from drowning into the dark pits of nothingness and self-hatred.

 

It had only been two days since he had send a good boy to hell, discovered that his best friend was in fact a vampire and decided to bring judgment upon everyone of his friends. What pained him the most, though was Cassidy.

 

The booze had made Jesse numb some hours ago already, but it couldn't get rid of the pain he felt in his chest. It couldn't get rid of the memories that flashed in the back of his mind like a never ending horror movie. It couldn't get rid of the smell and the feeling of helplessness of that moment. Worst of all was that it couldn't get rid of the unbearable guilt that had made him rip off the floor boards with his bare hands until his fingers were bleeding and made him drink so much alcohol that he nearly passed out. Cassidy was gone. He nearly died because of him.

 

Cassidy had been the only person in this godforsaken town that he enjoyed spending time with. He had been there for him, protected him. Jesse had never had a friend like Cassidy. And he threw it away just like that.

 

“He burnt for me...”, Jesse mumbled while he tried to ignore the pain in his chest. Breathing was hard and at this very moment he wished that he'd just stopped breathing at all. He needed to fix this. He needed Cassidy to come back to him.

 

*~*~*

 

“I need to talk to Cass”, Jesse said while pushing his way into the house. Tulip grabbed his arm and pulled him back, pushing him against the wall. The look on her face was deadly.

 

“You think you can just march in here and demand things? With what you've done, Jesse Custer?” she hissed dangerously, her voice cold as ice. Jesse was rarely scared, but that voice in combination with her eyes gave him the creeps. He knew what Tulip was capable of and he was very sure that she wouldn't hesitate to hurt him. Badly.

 

Jesse sighed and looked at her, guilt and shame written all over his face. “I know I have no right to demand anything, Tulip. But I need to fix this. I need to... I... I was a dick. To you, to Emily and Cass. I need to tell him... he needs to know that he was right...”

 

They stared at each other for a while before the look on Tulip's face softened ever so slightly. There was also something else in her face. It looked like a flash of understanding and sadness but was gone before he could make sense of it: “He is in no condition to see anyone, Jesse.” She let go of him.

 

“I need to try.”

 

*~*~*

 

He was standing in front of Tulip's old bedroom door and could feel his own heartbeat. The pain had gotten stronger. Jesse knew how to endure all sorts of pain. He had learned that in Angelville, but this pain was different. Not entirely new, but still different.

 

Hesitantly he knocked on the door. “Cass?”

 

A noise came from the room which didn't sound human. It sounded like a wounded animal and reminded Jesse too much of the pain and agony in Cassidy's screams while he was burning for him. Jesse felt like punching himself, or maybe he could ask Tulip if she could break some of his bones. He was not worthy to talk to Cassidy after what he had done but he needed to fix this. He needed Cassidy like he needed booze before he went to bed. Cassidy helped him forget. He made him feel a bit more whole and a bit less broken. Because if Jesse Custer was one thing, he was broken.

 

“Cassidy – can I come in?”

“No!” said the voice with force from inside the room. Jesse winced as if Cassidy had slapped him which he'd definitely deserve. That voice, however, didn't sound like Cass. It was raspy and breathy and it seemed as if even that small word caused a lot of pain.

 

Jesse stood there for another minute, unsure what to do. He knew his action was selfish and he wished that he had realized earlier how much he actually needed Cass. How much he loved him. Jesse stared at the wooden door in shock. The realization of his thoughts hit him with the force of a tank. He _loved_ Cassidy.

 

He didn't really have control over his body when his hand grabbed the door handle and gently pushed it down. “I'm coming inside now, Cass.”

 

The room was a mess. Blood and animal corpses were spread all over the floor and some of the furniture was broken. There were scratches of human fingernails on the wall which had left bloody trails. It smelled like rotting skin, burnt flesh and death.

 

Jesse however, didn't take much of it in. His eyes were focused on the skinny body which was standing in the corner of the room that was farthest away from the door. Cass' body hadn't healed completely yet. Most of his skin was pink, there were flaps of skin everywhere on his body and some very dark bruises. Jesse could see part of Cassidy's spine which hadn't been covered with skin yet.

 

“Ye know, why bother asking little ol' me if ye just do what ye want”, Cassidy growled, his back still turned towards Jesse.

 

“Cass... I'm...”

 

“What you've come 'ere te finish the job?” Cassidy practically spit in his face, finally turning around his features distorted with anger.

 

At this very moment Jesse had no doubt that the man before him was not human. Everything about Cassidy felt dangerous and bestial, but that wasn't what made Jesse take a step back. It was Cassidy's eyes. There was so much pain in them, pain that Jesse knew all too well. It wasn't just physical pain, but so much more. Pain that neither of them could put into words, but that still made their bodies shake. Pain that made it hard to breath or think or live. Jesse thought his guilt might actually choke him.

 

“Yeah... look at the abomination, preacher! Look at the child of the devil! Watcha gonna do now?” Cassidy spread his arms mockingly and plastered a smile on his lips that was more like a grimace.

 

Jesse made a step into the room but stopped when Cassidy hissed at him. “Ye stay where you are! Don't want yer holy arse anywhere near me.”

 

They were both standing there in silence, the only noise was Cassidy's ragged breath and Jesse's loud thumping heart. Jesse was thinking about a way to explain his behavior. He thought about a million ways to start, to beg Cass for forgiveness, ask him to come back to him. He tried to work his way around the realization he had while standing in front of the door. Cassidy didn't need to know.

 

“I am sorry. I was a major dick.” Jesse hadn't even decided for what he was going to say. The words were out before he could make them sound better, more convincing, more meaningful.“I don't think you're an abomination. You're my friend... I love---”, he stopped in the middle of the sentence. That was not what he had wanted to say. That was not what he had planned. Shit. Jesse was too scared to look up. He didn't want to see the rejection on Cass' face. It would be enough to hear Cassidy shout at him and this time Jesse would leave. Nothing happened.

 

Jesse took a deep breath and looked up. Cassidy was still standing in the corner but his face had changed. He looked at him in disbelieve and shock. Again there was silence, this time it was very awkward.

 

“Ye should leave, padre”, Cassidy finally said quietly.

 

For a silly moment his heart jumped upon hearing Cassidy calling him _padre_ but the joy was gone immediately after the meaning of the words came through. Jesse sighed and turned around but stopped in the door frame again. “No. I'll stay. I'm not gonna fail you again.”

 

Cassidy made a frustrated noise. “Yer an idiot, that is what you are. Suddenly ye wanna be all cozy with me although little ol' me hasn't healed yet and could easily kill ye because yer blood smells fuckin' tempting. Don't be a prick, Jess.”

 

“If you kill me, I'd deserve it”, Jesse said before he could stop himself.

 

“If I kill you, I'd deserve to die, too”, Cassidy answered in a blink.

 

Again silence fell between them, but this time it was different. Suddenly Cassidy started to laugh and Jesse couldn't but join in.

 

“Yer one hell of a fucker, padre.”

 

 


End file.
